I had to use a pillow to read this so I don't cry. The love and grace you have for your son is beyond remarkable and we should all learn from you Chris. I was raised to care for more than myself. I feel that spirit all over this post and it's such a delight 💛
My middle son Maddox was born with a form of sleep apnea. But we didn't know anything about it at the time (he turns 22 next month) all I knew is that I would be holding my baby and he would stop breathing sometimes for 13 seconds then breathe then no breath for another 13 seconds which if you're a mom holding a newborn baby 13 seconds is a lifetime of fear and panic. He was almost a year old before I got a good night sleep because before that he was on a machine that would send the most horrific shrill sound throughout the house if he stopped breathing for more than three seconds. And that happened every single night. I don't know what kind of long-term damage it did on him because we've never sat down and factored it into anything dealing with his current life but I'm sure that all of that lack of sleep as a baby wasn't good for him. He is an athletic kid with a heart of gold but definitely not a straight A student. I know that the lack of sleep had a definite effect on his father and I because we wound up getting divorced before he was 18 months old and I think my absolute exhaustion and frustration had a lot to do with why we couldn't get along. I felt this post with every fiber of my being and it brought me right back to 21 years ago when I was living through the same nightmare with no understanding or resources other than the sleep center in the small town that we lived in who for whatever reason just would not give me any extra information they just kept saying we're looking into it just keep the monitors on him when he sleeps And if it goes off check on him and make sure he's OK. And that was literally all the information we got for months and months. I am so happy that you finally had the answers you need and that your son is able to sleep through the night. I'll stop reading this and go get some sleep trust me you've earned it and you deserve it and by God your body needs it.
Hi Hilary, It’s comments like yours that drive me to share the difficult, raw parts of our journey raising a child with many needs. I am so sorry that your family got the runaround like that, it’s just an absolute disgrace and disservice to you. These “data” gatherers just don’t seem to realizes the real-life implications their nonchalance has on real people. We are not statistics. We are living, breathing people who deserve proper care and attention. God bless you Hilary, I am here for you.
Somehow this makes sleep feel like love standing guard all night. The waiting, the fear, the showing up anyway, all of it is right there. That last permission to rest feels earned the hardest way.
Chris B.’s poem hits with the quiet force of someone who has lived too many nights on the edge of exhaustion. It’s not just about sleep; it’s about the strange cruelty of having to prove that a body deserves rest. The machines, the numbers, the endless studies they turn something intimate into something bureaucratic. And yet, beneath all that, there’s love. There’s someone standing beside him, patched together by sheer will, holding the world upright when he can’t. The poem moves like a tired heartbeat: slow, uneven, but stubbornly alive. You feel the weight of the waiting, the fear in the pauses, the relief that arrives not as comfort but as a small act of defiance. In the end, the victory is simple and enormous: he breathes, and the caregiver finally collapses, allowed at last to rest.
Often, we are not heard as parents and you have just shared proof of that reality. You kept fighting and now your reward at being right all along matters to your entire family. Good for you that you kept insisting!
Thank you Candy, with those 5 sleep studies and 10 follow-up appointments also came a bunch of extra days off from work. Not everyone can afford that, either, we are lucky we can.
This feels like love practiced in the dark. Steadfast, exhausted, brave. Every line carries the cost of staying awake long enough for safety to arrive. I’m so glad that tonight your son can breathe easily and sleep soundly. And that you and your wife are also finally allowed to rest. Holding joy for the three of you.
There is so much love in your post. I am a single parent and my 13 year old daughter was severely traumatized by my ex husband. She now suffers from severe anxiety, which often means restless and sleepless nights and on many occasions, panic attacks. Soothing her to sleep everyday has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. Getting a decent sleep myself has been a cherished dream of mine, which I hope to achieve one day.
I guess what I want to say is that I hear you Chris. I feel you. Thank you for sharing this!
Hi Neha, I am so so sorry to hear about all of this. We are all here to support each other and lift each other up, and I wrote this and other stories like this to let all of us know we are not alone. I truly appreciate your empathy and I hope you do get to a point where a good night’s sleep is possible.
You, Melanie, and your mom are all warriors and amazing people, Chris! Now that you mention it, you do make it look easy, extremely easy. You’re strong and admirable.
Thank you Jessica, it’s taken a very long time and a lot of hard work mentally, but we are getting there. We have to, but we also want to. Gotta be there for our warrior Bray!
You’re doing awesomely! Bray Bray is so blessed to have a dad like you. We can only deal with that cards we were dealt and it’s up to us to do our best. That’s enough.
I cried so hard as I was reading this. My heart aches for you, Chris, and I am in awe with your love and strength. This also reminded me of my own son, two years of sleepless nights we had in the hospital, his struggles with the BiPAP machine, and more...
Thank you for sharing your heart with such tenderness and beautiful words, Chris.
Chris, you are so talented. What a gift you have in expressing that complicated ache with so few words. This stanza deeply echoed for me: "Last night, sleep arrived not as rest but as resistance." We, too, have gone through multiple sleep studies for Sarah, and of course sleep is always elusive. No one sleeps. So beautiful. Thank you.
I had to use a pillow to read this so I don't cry. The love and grace you have for your son is beyond remarkable and we should all learn from you Chris. I was raised to care for more than myself. I feel that spirit all over this post and it's such a delight 💛
Thank you beyond words my friend.
Thank you so much Ral, your kind words and compassion mean more than you know…
My middle son Maddox was born with a form of sleep apnea. But we didn't know anything about it at the time (he turns 22 next month) all I knew is that I would be holding my baby and he would stop breathing sometimes for 13 seconds then breathe then no breath for another 13 seconds which if you're a mom holding a newborn baby 13 seconds is a lifetime of fear and panic. He was almost a year old before I got a good night sleep because before that he was on a machine that would send the most horrific shrill sound throughout the house if he stopped breathing for more than three seconds. And that happened every single night. I don't know what kind of long-term damage it did on him because we've never sat down and factored it into anything dealing with his current life but I'm sure that all of that lack of sleep as a baby wasn't good for him. He is an athletic kid with a heart of gold but definitely not a straight A student. I know that the lack of sleep had a definite effect on his father and I because we wound up getting divorced before he was 18 months old and I think my absolute exhaustion and frustration had a lot to do with why we couldn't get along. I felt this post with every fiber of my being and it brought me right back to 21 years ago when I was living through the same nightmare with no understanding or resources other than the sleep center in the small town that we lived in who for whatever reason just would not give me any extra information they just kept saying we're looking into it just keep the monitors on him when he sleeps And if it goes off check on him and make sure he's OK. And that was literally all the information we got for months and months. I am so happy that you finally had the answers you need and that your son is able to sleep through the night. I'll stop reading this and go get some sleep trust me you've earned it and you deserve it and by God your body needs it.
Hi Hilary, It’s comments like yours that drive me to share the difficult, raw parts of our journey raising a child with many needs. I am so sorry that your family got the runaround like that, it’s just an absolute disgrace and disservice to you. These “data” gatherers just don’t seem to realizes the real-life implications their nonchalance has on real people. We are not statistics. We are living, breathing people who deserve proper care and attention. God bless you Hilary, I am here for you.
Somehow this makes sleep feel like love standing guard all night. The waiting, the fear, the showing up anyway, all of it is right there. That last permission to rest feels earned the hardest way.
It’s been very hard Asuka, thank you.
Chris, hang in there. You have to.
Thank you Asuka
I can feel each word,as I am sleep deprived too 🥺💔🫶
Appreciate you Hina, thank you.
Chris B.’s poem hits with the quiet force of someone who has lived too many nights on the edge of exhaustion. It’s not just about sleep; it’s about the strange cruelty of having to prove that a body deserves rest. The machines, the numbers, the endless studies they turn something intimate into something bureaucratic. And yet, beneath all that, there’s love. There’s someone standing beside him, patched together by sheer will, holding the world upright when he can’t. The poem moves like a tired heartbeat: slow, uneven, but stubbornly alive. You feel the weight of the waiting, the fear in the pauses, the relief that arrives not as comfort but as a small act of defiance. In the end, the victory is simple and enormous: he breathes, and the caregiver finally collapses, allowed at last to rest.
Thank you Adrião!
Often, we are not heard as parents and you have just shared proof of that reality. You kept fighting and now your reward at being right all along matters to your entire family. Good for you that you kept insisting!
Thank you Candy, with those 5 sleep studies and 10 follow-up appointments also came a bunch of extra days off from work. Not everyone can afford that, either, we are lucky we can.
🫂💕 Chris the strength, love and dedication brought me to tears.
I know the vigil you've kept, waiting on bated breath.
My brother on a non-invasive ventilator, I on a bipap.
May Brey Brey's nights be peaceful aiding in restful nights for all.
Debra, thank you, I hope you and your brother stay strong.
This stays. Remarkable 🩶
Thank you for reading Sara.
Thank you for writing
Your words speak such volume of resilience and love. So happy for you and your family that Bray Bray got the CPAP.
Thank you so much Flora.
This feels like love practiced in the dark. Steadfast, exhausted, brave. Every line carries the cost of staying awake long enough for safety to arrive. I’m so glad that tonight your son can breathe easily and sleep soundly. And that you and your wife are also finally allowed to rest. Holding joy for the three of you.
Thank you so much, really appreciate you!
There is so much love in your post. I am a single parent and my 13 year old daughter was severely traumatized by my ex husband. She now suffers from severe anxiety, which often means restless and sleepless nights and on many occasions, panic attacks. Soothing her to sleep everyday has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. Getting a decent sleep myself has been a cherished dream of mine, which I hope to achieve one day.
I guess what I want to say is that I hear you Chris. I feel you. Thank you for sharing this!
Hi Neha, I am so so sorry to hear about all of this. We are all here to support each other and lift each other up, and I wrote this and other stories like this to let all of us know we are not alone. I truly appreciate your empathy and I hope you do get to a point where a good night’s sleep is possible.
So sorry you & your family had to go through this, Chris. That would sure test my patience. Glad Bray Bray is finally able to sleep safely.
Thank you Moorea.
You, Melanie, and your mom are all warriors and amazing people, Chris! Now that you mention it, you do make it look easy, extremely easy. You’re strong and admirable.
Thank you Jessica, it’s taken a very long time and a lot of hard work mentally, but we are getting there. We have to, but we also want to. Gotta be there for our warrior Bray!
You’re doing awesomely! Bray Bray is so blessed to have a dad like you. We can only deal with that cards we were dealt and it’s up to us to do our best. That’s enough.
💪💪🙌🙌
I cried so hard as I was reading this. My heart aches for you, Chris, and I am in awe with your love and strength. This also reminded me of my own son, two years of sleepless nights we had in the hospital, his struggles with the BiPAP machine, and more...
Thank you for sharing your heart with such tenderness and beautiful words, Chris.
Kelly, I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. Thank you for the kind words.
Chris, you are so talented. What a gift you have in expressing that complicated ache with so few words. This stanza deeply echoed for me: "Last night, sleep arrived not as rest but as resistance." We, too, have gone through multiple sleep studies for Sarah, and of course sleep is always elusive. No one sleeps. So beautiful. Thank you.
Thank you so much Jeannie, truly appreciate you and Sarah is very lucky to have you as such a loving mom and advocate!
Aw, thank you, Chris!
I just love this for him! And for y'all too, mom and dad... He's going so fast! Super happy and feeling great 😃
Thank you!